Spring breakers head out to see the world

It’s a rite of passage, that well-known ritual called spring break. This is when colleges and schools give students and teachers a respite from the rigors of academics. Well, maybe in someone else’s world, but for most spring breakers, the motto is, “Buckle up!”

A great many kids in college will leave the comfort of their communal couches, which are usually located on the campus front lawn, right outside the dorm that is known as the one that never sleeps, and head back to their homes, where they will be known as the ones who never stop sleeping. The child will fall into a deep coma, much like Snow White, where his or her parents will take their vital signs every day to make sure they are still alive. As Freud once said, “A tax deduction is a tax deduction.” So you have to keep a vigilant eye on your investment.

If there is a family pet, such as a dog, particularly if it is a large black one, then the animal will attach itself like an amoeba to a host, thinking the child is a long-lost dog relative, perhaps a brother-in-law from the Labrador side of the family, simply because they have the same sleeping habits, which is all day, every day, until the semester starts up again. They will eat together, watch television together and even text together, since the dog probably has swallowed one iPhone in his lifetime and the directions are now embedded in his stomach.

I always used to take photos whenever my kids came home on spring break. I have a whole album of strange-looking kids wearing Hawaiian shirts, no shoes and beads. I never even tried to get the red out of the eyes.

The album is tucked away in the attic, unfortunately for the people who bought my last house. Let’s hope they don’t come across it; I hate to scare people.

Well, not everyone chooses to come home for spring break. A lot of kids head out for an experience that will add to their knowledge of the world, like the open seas for the adventure of communing with nature, breathing the salt air, battling the elements and the opportunity to pour a large quantity of alcohol in the belly button of someone who just happens to be prone on the bar.

Scientists are now studying the blood samples from this group, since they never appear to come down with typical illnesses that may happen on cruises, such as airborne viruses and sea sickness. It could be the large amounts of items gorged at the buffets after an all-night casino game, but more than likely it has to do with the embalming qualities of alcohol they consume.

Still, the wet T-shirt contest sites are popular retreats in the sun-drenched Caribbean for those seeking relief from the stress of campus life. I’ve heard those archaeology classes are murder on your face, which carries so many bruises and lines from falling face down on the desk in another deep sleep. OK, once in a while the dent on the forehead is permanent. Not to mention all those 1 p.m. classes and meetings with counselors over the projected graduation date at this pace of five to six years.

Still, there are plenty of kids who work hard over their spring break, helping others and performing work that makes a difference at charities and similar causes.

Not everyone considers this a party break. I take my hat off to them. I wish I had met some of them. Unfortunately, it didn’t factor in to my 10-year tuition plan. By the time my kids had graduated, they were eligible for Medicare. Buckle up!