Cats Unlimited was satire until someone took it seriously

Cats Unlimited - A couple of decades ago, artist John Gardoski and I collaborated on a satire piece for my column titled “Cats Unlimited,” based on the Ducks Unlimited model. The idea was to control the feral cat population by harvesting a few while at the same time improving their natural habitat. Notice there is no gun in the cartoon and nothing sadistic – it’s just funny. I have forever supported the local hunting and fishing culture, at times thinking some good old boys weren’t given enough respect for a career path that celebrated their skills. There is pressure at the University of Wisconsin to remove certain liberal arts majors like philosophy, history and English, and replace them with majors that lead to careers like freelance fish cleaning or performing heart bypass surgery by YouTube video. Note: I stopped Cats Unlimited when I joked that a hunter had bagged a rare seal point Siamese in the Overbrook area, and a woman called me to say she lived in Overbrook and her Siamese cat was missing. 

Losing the edge - A spring preseason highlighted by cold and distracting winds and multiple nor’easters leading into cancellations and rescheduling wreaks havoc on the focus of athletes. It’s just impossible for teams to be ready for the opening of the season, which really lasts a couple of weeks, until a team figures out its lineup and chemistry. Schools with turf fields have an edge because playing surfaces aren’t trashed by relentless rains and big fat spring snowflakes. Let’s have a referendum for a big old field house with an adjacent natatorium, otherwise known as a swimming pool. OK, forget the referendum, let’s do it on donated land with private fundraising. Five grand is opening bid or no monogrammed brick. It’s so crazy it might work!

V for Villanova - I know the song going back to the Big Five of the ’60s. Watching the Wildcats basketball team on television, my astute wife Susan asked, “How does Villanova keep getting great players? You know, the blue chip recruits who could go anywhere. I’ve been on campus and it pretty much looks the same as it always did, so why choose Villanova if your choices are unlimited?” Villanova costs $60K a year and is listed in the top 75 nationally in terms of expense. Villanova is sometimes called the Notre Dame of the East Coast. The school is small – only 10,000 students – and that includes graduate students. Personally, I’ve never met a Villanova graduate who wasn’t proud to be a Wildcat, and I’ve never met one without a job. If coach Jay Wright shows up at your high school on a recruiting mission and offers you a basketball scholarship to Villanova, your parents are signing without the power of attorney. 

Snippets - Astros second baseman José Altuve just signed a contract extension. According to the Houston Chronicle, “The $151 million Altuve got to extend his contract through 2024 includes $130 million for his average salary of $26 million from 2020-24. He also will get $21 million in bonuses: $1 million payable when the deal is approved by the commissioner's office and $10 million payments on July 1 of 2018 and 2019. His base salaries for 2018 and 2019 remains at $6 million and $6.5 million, respectively.” Jose is a native of Venezuela, but he will never take his money like Matilda and run to Venezuela where kidnapping for ransom is a recreational sport. Shelly Sentman Perry, who scored the sudden-death winning goal in the eighth overtime versus Tower Hill in 1995 to give Cape a state championship in field hockey, turned 40 March 21. Twenty years ago, the 1998 Cape lacrosse team beat Tatnall in the state championship final to go 19-0 and earn Cape’s first state title in the sport. Steve Aubrey was the head coach, then voluntarily faded back to assistant, pushing Mark D’Ambrogi into the head coaching circle. If you are a young teacher/coach at the beginning of a career, you can step off coaching and go to the Del Tech campus in Georgetown and knock down a master’s degree from Wilmington College which would pay you more money over five years than you could earn from coaching in 25. And you’ll never run into a parent inside the halls of learning who beckons, “Can I talk to you for minute?” “Sure, I have a minute, and then you can ‘Go on now, git!’”