"So what is it that you do exactly?” is one of the most common questions I am asked. There is much confusion about the role of an end-of-life doula. My usual response is to suggest that we sit down to talk about what it is that a person needs to carry them through one of the most poignant, yet sacred transitions of their life.
And the expressed needs are as varied as the imagination is large. We begin where you are. Perhaps you just reached a certain birth date and are beginning to think about making end-of-life plans. Perhaps you have been newly diagnosed with dementia and would like a plan for your care going forward. I have had clients who are alone and have a pet; making arrangements for their pet's care is forefront in their minds. Family estrangement is not uncommon today; we listen and help facilitate difficult discussions if desired.
We are much more of a nomad society today, and adult children often live at great distances from their aging parents. I often receive calls from adult children who would like the reassurance of regular check-ins with mom and dad.
A common thought is, “Oh, we aren’t ready for that yet.” Time is needed to develop safety, trust and rapport with us so we can help make difficult choices and maximize life experiences. It is never too early.
We will walk beside you on your journey. We will advocate for you. And we will be your voice if needed.
Our services include education. You will be reassured that the body knows how to die. Loved ones are often overwhelmed by information, together with the need to make difficult choices. A common misperception is that we are hospice workers. Hospice care directs the medical plan; we support that plan of care. Death doulas fill in the gaps, the lonely hours between medical visits.
The role of a death doula has been the most meaningful, sacred and fulfilling role I have ever experienced in my healthcare career – being fully present, compassionate and a great source of comfort to clients and their circle of care during one of life's most challenging and perhaps exquisitely beautiful times of life.
Michele Stutzman
Lewes
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