We need to find a common ground

I’ve followed the heated exchanges in recent letters on the topics of masks, vaccines, Trump and truth, looking for hints on how to improve the way I argue my own points of view.     

I have a niece who is an on-fire liberal and a nephew who is full-blown QAnon.  I appreciate the enhanced reporting on the history of enslaved Africans and Native Nations yet have friends who say, “If those things happened, it’s not my problem.”  My 80-year-old brother-in-law, who worked three jobs as a young father, supports Biden’s stimulus checks, saying, “Kids shouldn’t be hungry.” His wife still begrudges the fact that government assistance was beyond their reach when they were struggling.  Like many families, mine has fractures. 

By listening better and bypassing extreme views, I’ve stopped feeling like, “why bother?”  I no longer quote TV and radio commentators, and rather than persuading, I now favor story-telling.

For instance, I asked my nephew, a retired New York police sergeant, for his thoughts on defunding the police.  He shared some on-the-job stories that made me proud as well as appreciative of the depth of anguish that dedicated cops feel just hearing that slogan.  I’ve been sharing his stories and have noticed that sometimes they soften tones and tension.       

I also tell a Trump story.  Years ago, the New York News reported that Trump offered to tip an off-duty mechanic who stopped on a parkway and fixed Trump’s disabled limo.  The guy wouldn’t take any money.  Trump asked for his address to send his wife flowers. 

Trump never sent flowers.  But wait; don’t assume.  In place of flowers, Trump paid off the guy’s mortgage!  The story doesn’t change minds about Trump, but it interrupts overheated debates and creates space to take a breath.     

Surprisingly, Bernie Sanders is a great source of stories as his far-out ideas have found their way into conversations among both Democrats and Republicans.  Regardless of party affiliation, seniors don’t want to be working at Acme because their $800 a month Social Security check doesn’t pay the rent; most parents want affordable healthcare options; middle-income wage earners and small business owners are sick of their unfair tax burdens.  

All this to say that while political differences run deep, less arguing over whose opinions are correct and more story telling about the life experiences that have helped us form those opinions might get us away from our sharp edges and back on to some calmer, common ground.