Prayers for the Petty, Pouting People...

Day 25

Prayers for the Petty, Pouting People…

Did you ever have those days where you felt extra petty?  I woke up early Sunday morning and really didn’t want to go to church, which in my Christian career tells me that I really need to be in the front row of the sanctuary. My flesh was in in override as my shoulders shouted complaints about the double knots massed in my muscles.  My legs whined about the furious workout performed Friday and my mind just didn’t want to feel grateful and gracious when I really wanted more of everything! 

I was tired and I desired pancakes, hickory smoked honey dipped bacon (yes I made that up but that’s what I wanted LOL) and buttery grease fried potatoes.  Instead I opted to make a healthy protein shake for this morning before service.  My alternate pouting personality screamed lacerating my mind with high pitched wails of indignation. 

Yeah, I definitely need prayer this morning, what is so ironically funny is how the raging storm inside doesn’t reflect my outer appearance.  People really have no clue the battle that goes on within my brain pan.  I often wonder if my wife gets tired of hearing me pray for forgiveness at night or if it sets off alarms about the man she married.  

No I don’t act on 90% the murderous, malicious thoughts that run through my mind, but that 10% percent is the tip of the ice berg that presents itself in my personality.  The poison coursing through my bone marrow is clearly why my praise and promises turn into procrastination and pouting.  You see it’s the corruption deep within that gives action to our addiction. 

The food we gorge upon that never fills creating a caloric reserve for bad cholesterol.  The selfishness that transforms into self-absorbsion as we try to satisfy the spoiled skin we live in.  The lies we live with about the lusts we love finding new secret ways to indulge in our addictions.  The frustration we stoke that fuels the rage we want to explode upon the loved one close enough to make a minor mistake in our presence.    

I don’t know if other people in the pulpits struggle with separating their sick psyche from salvation but I sure do.  I wonder if it’s ego to think I’m alone in my atrocities or justification to believe everybody deals with demons within their identity.  All I know is that if I want to be better I have to fight being bitter! 

I have to force myself to be faithful, which is a trying test of condemnation and revelation.  Battling against a flesh I have let loose for so long is like trying to discipline a 15 year old that has never had a spanking.  I’m not sure what is worse the whining or the willfulness to do whatever it wants.  I’m telling you honestly the immature identity that lives within is a beast to beat down. 

But I cannot ignore the miracles in my life.  The near misses that should have murdered or maimed me.  The choices I’ve made that should’ve crushed my career.  The grace that has been given to me despite my greedy intentions.  The forgiveness that has fallen on me when I failed everyone.  The love that enlisted me when I just wanted to be lost.  The faith that found me when I was fragile with fear…

I live in a world of wonder not waste.  I realize the revelation of my racing thoughts that I just need to be still.  I have to remember to resist relapsing and stop running towards ruin.  I need to walk out my faith and stop sprinting towards insanity.  As I find myself breathing in my belief, banishing bitterness my soul settles within my spirit. 

The calm of conviction from this internal conversation creates a mysterious manifestation marking me one of the chosen to do more than complain.  I know from personal experience that not everyone desires deliverance from their demons which is why some are resigned to stay in their sickness.  Fortunately for me and possible you the declaration today move you in the direction of your destiny and not destruction. 

This Sunday morning I will make amends heading towards the chapel to cherish the magic of moment I have right now.  Today may be the last day I can receive a blessing to be a blessing because that is what it’s all about these last days on earth.  The mission is bigger than my misery, the plan has more purpose than my self-pity, and the hope is birthed from hurt and heartbreak helping others to see the light through loss! 

Thank God for the prayers for the petty, pouting people like me and you…