The Sacrifice of Love...

Day 27

The Sacrifice of Love…

I’m outside this morning already wishing I wore my gloves.  My pitiful feet pound the pavement and its starting to sprinkle adding to the already miserable looking morning.  It’s the end of November and the December winds are beginning to blow.  The weather has been so unpredictable lately that it’s a gamble to guess what to wear outside. 

As the rain pelts through my already sweaty bandana I pray for the Lord to delay the down pour till I get home.  I already hate walking because of my knee but I also hate it because I’m so slow.  One of the members from my church noticed my snail pace on the sidewalk and had commented to my Pastor about how slow my roll was. 

So why am I out here in the rain, wind and cold, why put myself through this heavy weight hike through the neighborhood?  these bitter thoughts batter through my mental defenses slowing my pace to a crawl as a computerized voice speaks in my headphones telling me I’ve only walked a mile so far…

The Past:

The creamy bitter taste of my coffee slips down my throat seeping into the pores of my personality.  I sit staring at my client hearing her words but looking for the clues behind her banter.  She retells her story about shame, sin and self-sabotage growing up.  She bares her heart about being broken, beaten and abandoned.  She confesses crimes, cruelty with total self-condemnation, and I listen. 

I notice a flicker of something familiar skitter across her eyes and I nod my head understanding the underlying problem of her pain.  You know the cliché that if you don’t love yourself you can’t love anybody else is such an understatement that its’ almost false.  The truth is, that if you refuse love yourself you are incapable of doing anything meaningful beyond the briefest of moments. 

The inability to love ourselves is a malady that murders true intentions and motivation.  Suicide by self-loathing comes in the many forms of destructive dysfunctional addictions.  We poison our integrity and purpose on this planet with the feelings of unforgivenesss, inadequacy, and broken intimacy. 

Disconnected from self we seek outside for a touch that no human being can caress.  Hungering for a hope we dive into the sustenance of substances from crack cocaine to carnal companionship.  Never able to find the answer because we have buried the cure within.  The layers of lies, lust and laziness only add to the burden and belief that are value is 20 degrees negative of 0. 

With this corrupted core belief, our tongue acts accordingly speaking into existence the incurable sickness we suffer from.  There is no deliverance from the demons we have made a pact with, the acceptance of agony is a bond born out of materials stronger than steel.

The choice to be sick is disguised in denial, justification and depression, we simply give up our rights to having a better life.  I believe this decision is a subconscious subtraction of loving self.  The loss of loving yourself, sacrifices the salvation meant for those destined to do more.  Unable to even recognize the problem after years of neglect the cure will bring conflict to a climax within. 

Teaching love can be taught all day long but without the implementation and acceptance of self-worth the lesson about love wither without living water.  The requirements for relationship rebuilding within, involves honoring the original sacrifice of love.  How many clients can claim and accept that someone died for them on a cross and wonder about their self-worth? 

The initial injection of passion for the broken should drive us to act accordingly reviving our redemption to be the exception!  The sacrifice in understanding we are valuable, knowing our destiny is to deliver value.  We can’t settle for less because we were created to be more, so it is impossible to believe in the lie of our inadequacies! 

Unless we choose to…  if we decide we want to burn and bury the truth, seeking failure instead of faith.  If we opt to embrace those empty superficial substances that last only a few moments.  If we decide we aren’t worth the pain and patience of pushing forward into a better forever.  Then we will stay in the cycle of insanity and make it our home…

The Present:

I couldn’t tell my client all this information at one time, but if she is patient and continues to work with me in her journey she will discover the truth.  I’m discovering my own truth as I flash forward to the present hearing the voice in my headphones tell me I’ve passed another mile.  I love myself enough to keep walking, slowly following with faith that I’m getting better every day, it’s not a sprint, it’s a heavy weighted hike letting go of pounds of problems each solid step I make…

Walk with me and discover something wonderful waiting deep inside… - WiL    

Characters within my articles are not based on any one individual, friend, family member or client.