I want to see beads of sweat in high definition

I walked west down Columbia Avenue off Broad Street at night in the fall of 1965 with 10 one-dollar bills in my pocket in case I had to buy something I didn’t know I needed, like a barbequed chicken or a pair of black knee socks or a picture of political activist Cecil Moore.

I wanted to step into the gym where the Black Bear, Sonny Liston, pounded training partners. I wanted to absorb the culture, hear the jazz coming from the bars on the strip. These cats played burn barrels, not steel drums. The new millennium - it is all about contrast.

My friend from Rehoboth lifeguard days, John Knarr of Elite Fitness near Peddlers Village, is in Austria training his millionaire Ph.D. buddy Wladimir Klitschko, the heavyweight champion who owns more wide belts than Chick’s of Harrington.

Klitschko will defend his heavyweight titles against American Tony Thompson Saturday, July 12 at the Color Line Arena in Hamburg, Germany.

The 36-year-old Thompson, who lives in Washington, D.C., is currently ranked as the No. 1 contender in the WBO. Thompson is a 6-foot-5 southpaw and unbeaten in the last nine years - but then again who isn’t - I know I am.

Do you think Willie Reddish ever stretched Sonny Liston? Looks like John is stretching Wladimir at their training chalet. And what’s with that Benny Hill jab? I want to see Klitschko knock somebody out - you know, the punch that generates a million beads of flying sweat. That is so cool in high definition.

Note: In 1987, following a successful petition, Columbia Avenue in North Philadelphia was renamed Cecil B. Moore Avenue in his honor.

TOUR DE TIGHT PANTS - I saw lots of bikers looking for a tour this weekend and I think I can put together a Tour De Underbelly fundraiser event for the City of Philadelphia to stamp out random violence when it gets hot. But this ain’t no “Black Hawk Down” movie.

You get culled from the palindrome – madam, I’m Adam - or peloton or whatever the gay name for a herd of bikers is and you are on your own as the rest of us will make our break. Biking is the best way “to go ghetto” and all the major urban centers have them.

Forget about renting “The Wire”; you can be your own Carl Wallenda on a 10-speed in high gear through the mean streets of Charm City. Crank through Fish Town Philly with its narrow streets running under the elevated train and diversity of cultural lifestyles and know in an instant that “Survivor” on television is the stupidest show in the history of uncivilized society. Seriously I’d love to do this as a photo journalism project if anyone is interested.

MARGARITA WRESTLING – A California event to raise money and awareness and to benefit breast cancer research is Margarita Wrestling which has donated thousands of dollars to the Susan G. Komen Foundation, whose Executive Director Betty Rodriguez described it as an “intriguing approach to fundraising.”

Here’s a direct quote: “The Margarita Wrestling Association’s slogan is ‘We love breasts, we want to save breasts.’”
I want to save the planet also, but I ain’t sumo wrestling coach McDowell in a vat of Jack Daniels as a fundraiser. The goal is to raise $100,000, and I say why not dress like seals and swim among the great whites, armed with a bang stick and have celebrity judges decide winners and losers. I mean when does justifying stupid behaviors, in the name of good causes, just become offensive?

CHARACTER ASSASINATION - The Phillies looked good coming into the current home stand and promptly bombed the Bean Towners and all was good but you just knew the real test was rolling toward Citizens Bank Stadium like a tsunami on a sunny day. Where did all that water go? What’s that noise? The Phils not only dropped five in a row to the Red Sox and Angels, both managed by Philly castaways, but it was the look on their faces like they expected it and who do they turn to for psychological sports confidence - Charlie Manuel?

That’s why I always watch the Phillies on TV B with the sound turned down and watch soccer in high definition. How about a Turk scoring late in extra time then giving the quiet sign to 60,000 deflated Croatians? Trust me, you don’t want to be in the stadium if that fight breaks out. And the Russian striker gave the same “not a whisper” to the Dutch fans. Euro 2008 is so cool and way better than baseball and really, does the United States ever exhibit that kind of crazy, out-of-control nationalism? That’s why soccer or futbol is the only sport on “the world stage.” It is a beautiful game when played by great athletes.

SNIPPETS - Did you ever eat dumb diet stuff for days then finally bite into a plump meatball and rediscover the taste buds of the tongue? I did and purred so loudly the Siamese rubbed up against my leg. Egg Beaters and no salt or butter? Somebody slap me! Go on now, git!