Slip sliding away nearing destination station

April 19, 2011

Paul Simon was right the nearer your destination the more you’re slip sliding away but if god isn’t a comedian than I’m switching churches—wait—I don’t go to church.

I just put in a wobbly week of quirky work in which I put a pound of WaWa coffee in the refrigerator, found the salt shaker in the back of my sneaker, tried to light some fancy jam thinking it was a Yankee candle, looked far and wide for sunglasses on top of my head, identified a walker’s sister in a picture I took as his mother and thought I heard a guy at the gym ask “how are you doing?’” and I said “fine” before realizing I had diagrammed the sound of him honking his nose into an interrogative sentence.

It got worse on Sunday afternoon watching the Phillies versus Marlins game when I heard announcer Tom McCarthy said, “He wants to be careful here not to walk the a-hole hitter.” I thought,”exactly, imagine how much more annoying he’ll be on base taking big leads and pretending to steal, chattering all the time.

Then with the Marlins Omar Infante came to the plate in the top of the ninth with two outs and two strikes and his team trailing 3 to 2 McCarthy said, “Infante digs in and protects the plate with Cousins on third.” I thought “what are his cousins doing on third? Call time out and send them back into the stands. How is poor Omar supposed to concentrate?”

A good friend of mine and greatest nicest guy ever is tragically going away with early onset progressive Alzheimer’s disease His condition was first diagnosed by the family dog who took immediate advantage and began eating cans of dog food until they ran out because his master couldn’t remember feeding him. I wish that weren’t true or that the dumb dog didn’t get bloat before rolling over and over and dying but it happened.

Grand mom Rose said,”Be nice or god will get you…or don’t be nice. Either way, you’re going to get got!”