Wedding bells send out love and hope for the future

May 12, 2011

Yes, it’s that time of year again, when wedding bells will ring out, sending the message of love and hope of a wonderful life for the happy couple that sets off down the marriage path.

Well, that may be the obvious plan for the royals, Kate and William, whose nuptials we watched nonstop on television until our eyeballs fell out of our head and rolled across the floor, but for you and me the sound of those wedding bells will more than likely represent that of Velcro.

I’m assuming that dads still have wallets made with Velcro closures, because you are going to need more money to finance this day than most political kickbacks add up to.  Not that I personally know this, but I hear things.

Counting florists, caterers, photographers, little napkins, and cases of Advil, you are barely going to have enough money to have those holes in the bottom of your shoes repaired.

And the price of a wedding today is the least of your problems.

If you’ve ever had to run a wedding, you’ll know what I’m talking about, which is silly, since if you’d actually participated in one, you probably still have short-term memory loss and walk around with a lot of drywall in your hair.

I know from experience; my own daughter was married a few years ago. She was always a dependable child who was smart, level headed, sensible, caring and down to earth. But as the wedding date approached she turned into the Bride from Hell, who was capable of canceling the wedding at a moment's notice. The cause of this change of heart was usually something monumental like the sight of a facial blemish one could only see with a high-powered microscope.

Still, we understood she was under a lot of pressure. The success of the wedding would turn on vital decisions such as should she wear a short or long veil, should the house be redecorated completely and if so, should we go with wastebaskets that had scenes of a British hunt on them, should we try to institutionalize an uncle we had to invite who consistently juggles pennies and nickels in the pocket of his pants, and could we possibly change the venue to a different place, like an island in the Pacific.

But when planning a wedding, you have to remember you are not just dealing with your side of the family. There is of course, the groom. Believe me, you are going to need a great deal of tact for a group that shows up lugging cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and blow-up mattresses.

The fact that each side sits on opposite sections of the church like the Hatfields and McCoys should give you some sort of clue. We all know this is the bride’s day. But to actually focus on the growth of the mustache over her lip is really uncalled for from his side of the family. Hey, stuff happens.

Fortunately the bride’s family doesn’t respond to this kind of cruelty. They are far above it, instead allowing their minds to wander on the beauty of the ceremony and how in God’s name could they allow her to marry such a deadbeat.

The sanctity of the bonding of two people in love takes precedence, but granted, it’s not the real reason people show up for a wedding. It's a chance to indulge in free food and  booze and dance the night away doing the mashed potato from the 1960s, which for men hasn’t improved their dance skills since then.

I haven’t even mentioned the guest list, which has been known to drive people right into the Betty Ford Center. And I hear it’s really booked up in June.

So enjoy the moment. Remember, the sun will set that night and the sun will come up the next morning.

  • Nancy Katz has a degree in creative writing and is the author of the book, "Notes from the Beach." She has written the column Around Town for the Cape Gazette for twenty years. Her style is satirical and deals with all aspects of living in a resort area on Delmarva.

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