Malcom Floyd rules the world

July 29, 2011

One pleasant aspect of having the NFL back is reading the Baltimore Sun’s Ravens coverage.

Having seen these hard-working folks in person, I can testify that they do the paper proud with their coverage. One of the lightning rods around Ravenstown is the Sun’s chief Ravens columnist Mike Preston.

It’s no secret Preston’s opinionated, “call-it-like-I-see-it” style grates some of us Ravens fans that drink the Purple Kool-Aid (as Mike is fond of saying). It’s also no secret of his clashes with ex-coach Brian Billick and his occasional propensity to have favorites.

This is just my opinion, but I always felt Mike was tough on Kyle Boller right from the get-go (before we found out that Boller couldn’t play) because Mike was a Chris Redman guy. Mike frequently used his column to say Redman was the man for the job and that Billick was making a mistake in not playing him.

That being said, for the better part of a year-and-a-half, Mike has been beating the drum for the Ravens to acquire San Diego Chargers receiver Malcom Floyd. Now, Floyd is a tall receiver that has been languishing towards the bottom of the Chargers depth chart the last few years. Probably for a reason.

But that hasn’t stopped Preston from making Floyd out to be Jerry Rice-in-waiting. All the Ravens need to do is acquire Floyd and the Ravens offense will become the 1999 Rams. Malcom Floyd wouldn’t have dropped those passes against the Steelers like Anquan Boldin and T.J. Houshmandzadeh did. No, Malcom Floyd would have caught those passes, then killed the Steeler corners attempting to cover him with only his steely glare.

I actually get a kick out of this. So, in the spirit of Chuck Norris Facts and Matt Wieters Facts, I present “Malcom Floyd: Master of the Universe.”

• You know how we can solve the debt crisis: call in Malcom Floyd

• We can have peace in the Holy Land. You know how? Malcom Floyd

• The Dalai Lama looks to Malcom Floyd for spiritual guidance

• The reason Dos Equis stopped running those “The Most Interesting Man In The World” ads? Malcom Floyd is more interesting

• Only God has a game plan to stop Malcom Floyd, and he’s not telling

• The Beatles plan to reunite, with Malcom Floyd taking the place of George AND John

• Leo DiCaprio’s character in “Inception” was based on Malcom Floyd

• When Malcom Floyd scores touchdowns, cornerbacks ask to spike the ball for him

• Malcom Floyd is so good he requires his own media guide

• When Malcom Floyd plays, the top trending topics on Twitter are all “Malcom Floyd”

• Tom Cruise plans on leaving Scientology for a new religion called “Malcom Floyd”

• Not even water could cover Malcom Floyd

• Between The Buried and Me plans to release a 22-minute song about Malcolm Floyd

• Sharks have a week dedicated to them, Malcom Floyd has 52 weeks dedicated to him

• The best way to make newspapers more profitable is to put Malcom Floyd on the front page every day

• Babies instinctively stop crying when they hear the words Malcom Floyd

• Sadly, even Malcom Floyd would be a bust if he signed a big money deal with the Redskins


  • Ryan Mavity has been a reporter with the Cape Gazette since February 2007. He covers the city of Rehoboth Beach, Baltimore Ravens football and Delaware State University football. He lives in Georgetown with his wife, Rachel and their son, Alex.

    Contact Ryan at