Rules of games are all inherently stupid and ridiculous

Ball and goalie on the ground, sticks all whacking at it as Cape fans call for a penalty stroke. "You can't lay on the ball!" BY DAVE FREDERICK
September 18, 2012

I don’t do rules - I’ve covered and written about most sports that keep score, but I don’t do rules interpretation or write technical physical education training manuals, Games are all inherently stupid and ridiculous when you begin to discuss the rules out loud, and that includes football, where throwing the ball out of bounds when outside the pocket is considered intelligent and a sign of maturity while throwing into an empty space when under pass rush is a penalty and loss of down followed by “Who is that idiot throwing it to?” Women’s field hockey and lacrosse have the most “protection rules” left over from a pre-Title IX era when ripped and fit females were treated like little girls for their own protection. So when that lonesome whistle blows, I don’t think country “train song,” I think a field hockey game is breaking out. Last Saturday at Severna Park, it was the Falcons versus the Vikings, both defending state champions and elite programs. It was the best game I ever photographed: up and down, back and forth, every ball contested; most whistles I understood and some I had no clue. My own granddaughter Anna got carded and tossed late in the game for going "Jersey” (her mom’s side) at midfield, knocking a two-legged Falcon from her perch to the turf on a 50/50 ball. Cape goalie Katie Kolobielski played great the entire game, and that in itself was worth the trip as the defense on a good Delaware side team often has time to eat a bag lunch and do their homework during an actual game. And then as so often seems to happen in that sport, the game ended not on a whistle but on “no whistle.” A Falcons corner created unsettled slop in front of the cage. Kolobielski came out and went sideways to the turf. Tiara Duffy went goal line behind her. The ball was lifted and Duffy watched, not wanting to high stick and get called for a penalty shot. The Severna attacker reacted instinctively, making better contact than Ryan Howard on a high fastball. Back of the net, 13 seconds left, the officials conferred and to the Cape side's surprise the goal was ruled good. I remembered the words of Grandmom Rose, “If you want to win a game where a score is kept, it is essential that you score at least once.” Cape did not; perhaps Severna Park didn’t either, but I don’t know the rules, and I never will understand the game. I want them in helmets with two-sided, ice hockey-bladed sticks and full contact played on a pitch for warriors only; then we will know what’s what.

Cool Joe versus Cujo - I was on the record calling the Eagles' victory with no good evidence that it would happen, and I’m OK with the Ravens, but if I were a knee-brace-for-life-wearing guard in a Flacco huddle I would lose my mind over cold personality and institutional haircut and Blue Hens pedigree; no, Vick is the dog I want in my fight. Vick was one overruled call away from chewing on his own can of “whoop whoop.” I am not proud running a bunch of asinine canine jokes back on Vick. He paid his debt to the "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Garanimals.” Now ain’t that the cat’s pajamas.

Captain Morgan - Redskins receiver Josh Morgan caught a Robert Griffin pass, and before coaches Mike and Kyle Shanahan could yell "field goal team,” Morgan threw the pigskin at the defender, whose only crime was trying to rip his head off. The Shanahans are not only straight arrows; they look like arrows. It would have been funny if all the Redskins started to throw balls and water bottles, kicking tees, color-coordinated game plans, sideline telephones, because that goose was cooked. If Morgan were a high school player, his teammates would be throwing balls at him all the way to his 50th high school reunion. The Redskins may just cut him.

- The Cape volleyball team lost 3-0 at St. Thomas More last Thursday and next play Lake Forest at home Tuesday, Sept. 18. A talented Cape team is entering conference play, and they know better than anyone it is time to kick it into gear. Cape cross country will host Lake Forest Wednesday, Sept. 19, at 4 p.m. The home course is on the campus of the College of Earth, Ocean and Environment in Lewes. Park across from the round Cannon Building, affect a haughty professorial tone, then follow the bouncing runners. Go on now, git!

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