Is it the tingle you get when someone touches your hand, or perhaps the flutter of your heart when you hear their voice? Yet it could be the calm you feel when they walk into a room, the warmth that blossoms when they smile, or the passion that surges through you after an argument. The connections people create with others is complicated to say the least, not so unlike the relationship between an addict and their drug of choice. The varying degrees of desire and insanity that fluctuate between our cravings and needs can exhaust and confuse the greatest minds turning them into a babbling mess when the heart is involved.
Make no mistake. It is a form of love one has with their addiction, a dependent dysfunctional behavior with a guarantee of initial bliss so intense we disregard the nightmare that follows. We want to feel that bliss, that contentment, that pleasure through people, places or things wishing we could capture the rapturous moment in time living in the experience forever. My Momma would tell me that I'm talking about Heaven, and if that is the case, then would this existence be Hell? My optimistic mentality would never accept that even if that were true, but I have to question the reckless abandon we have when ecstasy kisses our heart.
Reflecting upon my own past and present challenges and the ordeals I listen to from my clients , I recognize just how much stress can thin the boundaries of our inhibitions putting us in a vulnerable state. When we become susceptible to temptations custom made to fit our mood. I'm not advocating for a life without excitement, passion or humor. I'm expressing concern for those of us immersed in responsibility and pressure. There is a breaking point even for the best of us, as a close friend cautioned me, “We all crack under the pressure if it last long enough.” When the dam breaks and the flood waters of resentment burst through we unload a maelstrom of feelings: anger, hurt, fear, hope, and desire, becoming so sensitive to the slightest whisper of comfort or criticism. Our bones become brittle as the cancer of constant despair is fed to us intravenously pulling us down into a state where we settle for an illusion of intimacy, like a moth seeking warmth from the flame.
The warmth of temptation makes me think of those chocolate molten lava cakes where the moist pastry is filled with a warm, gooey fudge that flows down your throat coating your insides with a heated sugar high that makes you smile and sigh. But just as quickly as it melts in your mouth, the sugar rush dissipates like snowflakes in July. These shotgun relationships blow a hole in your heart with passion but leave the body without its most vital organ to live. I see the similarities with drugs as the sudden rush of searing warmth sets our nervous system aflame with pleasure followed by a void when it's gone creating an arctic vacuum in our soul.
When chemistry is created out of pain the resulting effect is devastating, like an unstable nuclear power plant creating energy in the beginning only to end in a meltdown. I think this is what people call a rebound relationship but I also think this why some people fall into addictions so deeply. They are not just rebounding from a relationship, but they are rebounding from life. The biological connection created within our gray matter when drugs or alcohol are entered in our system at the right time is as powerful as that first kiss. The difference is that, drugs or alcohol will never reject you, tell you he's tired, say she has a headache, thinks you've gained weight or get bored with you... That is a hard concoction to resist when you are feeling like the last kid to get picked for the kickball team.
To feel accepted, connected, appreciated or loved is the basics of chemistry. We yearn for someone to hold us close knowing who we really are while at the same time afraid to let anyone get too close because we don't even like ourselves, so how can another person. This is why drugs and alcohol can be so dangerous. They create a false intimacy and acceptance of ourselves allowing us to like even love that person in the mirror, creating a superficial pathway to intimacy.
To connect with myself, to look at myself in the mirror, and not cringe without the help of a mood altering substance is the beginning of true chemistry that won't fade after the first kiss. We seek the love of a lifetime searching high and low literally trolling through people, places and things to experience the best and worst life has to offer. I have found that true chemistry is only as strong as the love we have for ourselves. The more we believe in our dreams, the harder it is for someone or something to steal them. The passion for living cannot be sold, traded or discounted for pennies especially if we believe our life is worth millions... Create a chemistry that will last a lifetime by loving the person you will be with forever – Yourself!