Officiating style reveals underlying personality type

March 12, 2013

Pope of the pitch - In matters of religious doctrine, the pope is infallible - that joker can’t make a mistake - and you thought "dogma" was a pooch with puppies. Spring sports season brings an entire new set of infallible officials from umpires of softball and baseball to soccer and lacrosse officials to academic teachers recruited to after-school track meets. In tennis the players call their own shots and so do golfers, which has me humming the Emcee Hamburger song, “Can’t Trust This!” In sports where there are two officials and one is making all the calls, just assume the quiet one is on Quaaludes or more likely the take-charge person is a type A personality who knows all the rules and is incapable of not enforcing them all, thereby disrupting the important flow of the game like a crimped hose left out all winter. Women’s lacrosse is the worst; an official will stop action as the clock continues to run and start rearranging players like the director of an off-Broadway production of "Cats." I’d be an official who would mostly swallow his whistle before banging down a few dogs after the game. Saw a fat ump standing behind first make the out call on a CR runner sliding into third against Cape way back when Jeff Savage was coaching at CR. Savage said, “C’mon Big Blue, you’ve got to get over there. If that was a cheeseburger, you know you’d get over there.”

Relative of the Week - If you think you qualify as local and can claim a relative of some sports accomplishment, I want to know about it. We all like to connect the dots especially if our family has athletic but no artistic ability.

World Baseball Classic - I love watching the World Baseball Classic on MLB network - no Joe Buck and Tim McCarver - and the players all seem so enthused to represent their countries. This points out the fact that major leaguers have little enthusiasm for the city they represent. Most loyalties end at the top step of the dugout. Say it ain’t so, Joe, but you would be wrong.

Sports talk - By now you realize sports bragging about yourself is pretty boring to causal acquaintances, not to mention your spouse, and the same goes for your kids and grandkids. If someone else initiates it, that’s fine, but quickly hit the ball back across the net. “And how is everyone in your world? Is Junior still incarcerated? I heard he went yard over at the prison. I assumed they were talking softball. He didn’t escape, did he?" And the more you prattle on about the prodigy in your pedigree, the madder the lifetime .240 slap hitter who has taken more called third strikes than Ryan Howard becomes.

Windows - Video and/or live stats are available for most college sports through the team websites. Last week on my iMac I had four games going at once plus Facebook;  I also had Word up because I can’t afford to waste time.

Snippets - Athletes under the age of 18 who sign a letter cosigned by a parent to attend a certain college with the help of athletic money the first year are contractually obligated to complete the first academic school year at that college or face a two-year sit out penalty. The coach's leaving or the school's changing conferences does not change that commitment. The college holds all the cards while the athlete holds none.

ESPN has made NFL football a 12-month sport based on the assumption that many NFL fans have no life outside the bonus room above the garage. Beer and dysfunction meds are two sponsors of NFL football - and when did catheter commercials start on sports channels?

D.J. Long out of Sussex Central hit a grand slam but the University of Delaware baseball team lost at Towson 19-14. Delaware pitchers set a school record with 15 walks. Delaware will host Delaware State Wednesday, March 13, in a doubleheader that begins at 1 p.m. Chris Rivera, former Cape second baseman, is on the baseball roster at Delaware State.

The Cape boys' lacrosse team is scrimmaging Kent County High School at 5:30 p.m., Tuesday, March 12, if you are looking for someplace to be, and everybody’s got to be someplace. Go on now, git!