Older people tend to obsess about clothes

July 14, 2013

What’s there to talk about?

Retired people have funny conversations. Especially old married ones.

I was visiting friends recently when the husband, halfway out the door says to his wife, “I am going to the store. Do we need anything?”

“Let me think.”

“I am not asking you to think.”

She thinks. “Get one of those already cooked chickens.”

“What for?” he asks.

“The grandchildren will want to eat something when they get back from the beach.”

“They aren’t going to be here that long,” he says.

“Get a chicken!”

“We don’t need a chicken.”

Out the door he goes and comes back about an hour later.

“Where should I put the chicken?”

“On the counter,” she says.

“Why don’t I put it in the refrigerator?”

Rayquest and I have begun to have our own inane conversations in the car. He looks at the license plate in front of us and says, “Well, I guess he is going back to New Jersey now.”

I married this man for his intelligence.

“Maybe he just moved here.”

“No. I don’t think so. He is headed home now!”

I am hoping we see a Nebraska plate so I can hear his prediction.

I recall my parents’ ridiculous conversations about the food fliers in the newspaper. My mother: “Look here Walt, Oscar Meyer Bologna is on sale.”

Next he would say, “Ohhhh. Toilet paper-- buy one get one free.”

“Do you think we need more wax paper?” She is concerned.

Recently we visited friends in Philly and before John left to go to the U.S, Open, Carolyn said to him, “Do you have a hat?”

He produces a green one, places it on his head.

“Don’t you have a better one than that? His says, “Arcadia Rehab Center.”

What about the red one?”

I laugh because this is a conversation we have all the time on vacation.

“Didn’t you bring a hat?” I squint.

“I thought I had one in the trunk.” His collection rivals the monkey in the children’s book “Caps For Sale.” He has about 43 hats because every time we go on vacation he forgets one for his shiny head. Tombstone, Sterling Vinyards, Sabino Canyon. Dollywood is my favorite.

Old people are obsessed with weather and clothing too.

“I brought my cotton sweater, but I didn’t even need it.”  Spoken like it is simply amazing.

“How was your granddaughter’s graduation? “

Wonderful - all I needed was a light jacket and the breeze was just lovely.

The problem is that retired people have more time on their hands and we run out of interesting things to say to one another. So write to me at and tell me something interesting. Otherwise It’s going to be long hot summer on Route One.

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