I have lived through and cared for my husband (cancer for almost four years) and my father (twice with hospice for a year's time each due to pulmonary fibrosis).
My husband's last four months of cancer went from bad to worse on a daily basis. Because the cancer had spread from his bladder (several surgeries, chemo, radiation treatments over the years) to his bones, it caused a broken shoulder on his dominant right side. It then moved to his intestines, which resulted in a colostomy bag. The pain was so acute that his eardrums hurt when someone with a louder voice spoke to him. Eventually he was immobile due to pain and lack of strength. I would not have wished his death on anyone. Even though our dining room table was filled with pain medications and patches to give on various schedules, it did not begin to touch the level of pain my husband had to endure through the cancer specialist. Eventually, one late evening when my husband was removing his tubes to the colostomy and urine bag, I phoned hospice and told them our cancer doctor said he is not ready for hospice, but I believed we were. A hospice doctor and nurse arrived at our home at 8 a.m. and my husband was moved to a hospice center, where the pain was much better managed and he was no longer suffering from pain, albeit he could not move or enjoy life in any meaningful manner. I had the number for Dignitas in Europe in my purse, but by the time we realized we needed that service, getting on a plane would have been impossible. Unfortunately, we did not live in a caring state like Oregon and the few others who had a death-with-dignity option. My husband was forced to suffer through a horrible end.
My father, because of three years of pulmonary fibrosis, had an oxygen tank. He also had had a bypass and chose to stop taking his heart medication because he would have preferred to die of a heart attack than suffocation. He needed full-time care the last eight months of his life, which was mostly provided by my sister-in-law and myself with the additional help of a few female friends when we could not be there. My dad was bed bound for nearly the last three months. He did have hospice care and they were wonderful, but again he wasn't in a state with a death-with-dignity option. Nearly every morning he woke up and said, "Oh no, I'm still here." He kept wishing he would just sleep away some night and not wake up the next morning.
Unless you have experienced these long, tortuous deaths, you likely have no idea how stressful that is for both the patient and the patient's family.
Thank you for reading and supporting allowing residents to have the ability to make their own decisions regarding death with dignity.
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