What’s in a Name?

We have SO many chances in life to name things. Towards the beginning, God tasked Adam with naming the animals. I maintain that the Lord goofed mightily by not tasking Eve instead. Women just do this kind of thing better. Wouldn’t “fluffball” have been superior to “kitten”? Or “black tie guy” for penguin? But no, we got: “dog.” Thanks, Adam!

Think about it, though. We have a sacred responsibility to name our children, for example. Do we really comprehend the lifelong effects on the monickers we bestow? Talkin’ to YOU, mom of Lady Gaga Smith! Several of my personal offspring changed their names (granted, they decided to use their first/middle names instead--which I took as a rebuke of my name-ordering skills). As for me, I could have changed my middle name MANY TIMES over the decades. In my youth, I yearned to be glamorous Elise Veronica, instead of the plebian Elise Ann, but as of today I still sign “Elise Ann” on all manner of legal docs. A sad surrender.

Beyond scarring our kids for life, we also get to name our pets. We name our new businesses. We name our music compositions and essays and inventions. The upper crusty among us name our homes--and our summer homes too, which for many of us are the exact same edifices as our winter homes! The quirkier of us even name their cars (one of my high school friends dubbed her Mustang “Sally,” and I confess that my bright orange Gremlin was widely known as “The Great Pumpkin.”)

But let’s not stop there. There’s a whole world of ho-hummery out there, just waiting for zippy new names.

My inspiration for this post is Janet Trefethen of Trefethen Winery in Napa (and you gotta love a winery producing an excellent red blend called ”Dragon’s Tooth”). Anyhoo, Janet is getting on there (she’s vintage! Vintage!) and she suggested naming a retirement community on her property...Noble Rot ("botrytis vinifera," look it up). Think she's joking, but love that!

Who needs another Green Farms Valley Seaside Mountain Estates or The Rich Retirees Residence at Springfield? A little originality, please! Were I to randomly be tasked by the Lord, or a real estate developer, with naming the multitude of 55+ residences popping up all over as we Boomers get old simultaneously, I'd accept!

Here are a few thoughts:

Epilogue (for writers)

Curtain Call (for actors)

Coda (for musicians)

Final Buzzer (for sports folk)

The Last Hurrah (for fans of the Spencer Tracy movie about an old Boston pol)

Cocoon (for fans of the Ron Howard movie about seniors who stumble upon a fountain of youth)

Forever 91 (for those nostalgic about fast fashion in shopping malls)

Bestselling author Bill (Wm) Shakespeare once penned, “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.” I beg to differ. Can you imagine gifting your sweetheart with two dozen red…stinkblossoms? She wouldn’t be your sweetheart for long!

Name on, my friends!