Relax and enjoy spring break like the kids do

Another rite of passage is upon us, spring break. At least I think so. It’s hard to tell, since it seems like no one is ever in school or the answer is always, “We are on a break.” But if you are observant, you usually can tell by their clothes. 

If they are young spring breakers, such as elementary school, the children will return home wearing someone else’s clothes or minus something like one sneaker, which they traded to the bus driver for a piece of loose floor matting from the bus. 

Whereas the college spring breaker will return home wearing the same clothes he left with six months ago and carrying enough bags of dirty laundry to have been picked up outside a National Football League team’s locker room. 

High school spring breakers don’t really count, since they have been on break since you brought them home from the hospital. 

The most obvious spring breaker, though, is the older student. The respite gives them an experience so they can adjust to the outside working environment, mainly the future holiday office party, only with a lot of wet T-shirts and enough beer bongs to stretch across the state of Florida. Hundreds of college students will leave the rigors of academia only to continue their education in such scientific locations as Fort Lauderdale and the Caribbean islands. There they will renew their mind, spirit and body, judging by the few clothes they’ve chosen to wear. They will pull the plug on their inhibitions faster than a piece of burning toast. 

Just for a moment, consider the college students. Most of them will find the transition difficult, for they will have to leave the comfort of their communal couches, which are usually located on the front lawn of the campus, and head for the couch at home, which is still wrapped in plastic since it was delivered in the ‘50s. Once home, they will fall into a deep coma.. 

If there is a family pet, such as a dog, particularly if it is a large black one, then the animal will attach itself like an amoeba to a host, thinking the child is a long-lost dog relative, perhaps a brother-in-law from the Labrador side of the family, simply because they have the same sleeping habits, which is all day, every day, until the semester starts up again. They will eat together, watch “Judge Judy” together and even text together, since the dog probably has swallowed at least one iPhone in his lifetime and the directions are now embedded in his stomach. 

I always used to take photos whenever my kids came home on spring break. I have a whole album of strange-looking young adults sporting beards and other people’s clothing, encased in torn Hawaiian shirts, barefoot and draped in beads. 

Well, not everyone chooses to come home for spring break. A lot of kids head out for a different experience that will add to their knowledge of the world, like mountain climbing, exploring the landscape or perhaps the open seas. It’s all for the adventure of communing with nature and breathing the salt air. 

Unfortunately that adventure usually involves a place in the line for the cruise ship buffet and the opportunity to pour a large quantity of alcohol into a girl’s belly button. 

Still, there are plenty of kids who work hard over their spring break, helping others and performing work that makes a difference for charities and similar causes. Not everyone considers this a party break. There is a zero to slim chance one of these types of kids will show up on my family tree, though. 

Parents have been known to panic at the thought of children home on spring break. It’s one of the reasons you see a spike in recruitment figures for older adults joining the military. 

But there is one golden rule if you have a college student home for spring break that will help you avoid anxiety and ease your fears. Just mention the word “job.”

Of course, to be safe, you should have an allergy kit readily available for anaphylactic shock reactions.