You might be a golf addict if…

June 9, 2016

With all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy, I am going to borrow his idea about rednecks and apply it to golf.

So here it goes, with my top 12 red (golf) flags:

1. You might be a golf addict if you watch the golf channel or worldwide golf tournaments for more than eight hours per week.

2. You might be a golf addict if you wash your clubs before and after you use them (take a moment to let that sink in).

3. You might be a golf addict if you use a golf tee to pick your teeth.

4. You might be a golf addict if you have ever swung your driver or irons in the living room while wearing your golf shoes.

5. You might be a golf addict if you have ever putted on the living room rug or, for lag putts, used your carpeted hallway.

6. You might be a golf addict if your dog is named Jack or Arnie (for the older golfers) or Jordan or Rory (for the younger golfers).

7. You might be a golf addict if you keep your clubs in the bedroom at night or worse, let Jack, Arnie, Jordan or Rory sleep on the end of the bed while guarding your clubs.

8. You might be a golf addict if your house numbers are on a reproduction tee box sign from your favorite golf course.

9. You might be a golf addict if, on a cold day, you warm your golf balls with a hair dryer before loading your car.

10. You might be a golf addict if your cart has GPS and you carry and extra handheld GPS for hitting out of the woods.

11.  You might be a golf addict if you re-grip your ball retriever each spring.

12.  You might be a golf addict if you have a pet name for your bag, such as Bubba or Boo.

Scoring: If you said yes to any of the red flags:

1-3 total red flags:  You are in that “gray” pre-addict area and you need to store your dirty clubs and shoes in the garage after each round.

4-5 total red flags: You are heading down a slippery slope and if you answered yes to #9, you are on the way to real addiction.

More than 5 total red flags: It is apparent to your wife or significant other that you have a full addiction and my recommendation is to take up bowling (at least the ball returns to you) and return to a normal life.

Now, the next two golfers had none of my red flags of addiction, but they had some luck on their side during their outstanding hall of fame careers.

1931 Ryder Cup: Golf legend and hall of famer Gene Sarazen was playing in the Ryder Cup match at Scioto Country Club (Ohio) when his tee shot, on a par three, went over the green and bounced into a refreshment stand.

When Sarazen found his ball, it was in the middle of the stand and sitting on a crack in the concrete floor.

Sarazen recalled later, “There were no free drops back then, so I played the ball through an open window facing the green.

My shot came to rest about eight feet from the hole. I sank my putt to win the hole, while my opponent Fred Robson three-putted in disbelief.”

1985 Masters: Great golf shots are a trademark of the Masters, but one stands out as a gutsy, high-risk do-or-die shot. Playing in the third round on hole number 13 (Azalea, par 5,510 yards), Bernard Langer was “in jail,” deep in the trees, 215 yards from the green.

To make matters worse, there was a creek guarding the green and Langer had a terrible lie. At best, everyone thought he would be lucky to punch out and make bogey, but in the true “Tin Cup” movie tradition, he reached for his three wood.

Langer’s shot made it through the trees, took an incredible bounce over the creek and landed 18 feet from the pin.

He one-putted for an eagle and eventually won the Masters by two strokes.

19th Hole trivia

Arnold Palmer once carded a twelve on a 5,508 yard par five during play in the 1961 Los Angles Open (he hit four tee shots out of bounds). The club members of the Rancho Park Golf Course later erected a bronze plaque to commemorate the Roy McAvoy (Tin Cup) moment.

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