How Public Was My Domain!

I can’t speak for my fellow scribes, but for me, the list of masterworks that have entered the public domain as of January 1^st is very exciting! For decades now, I’ve longed to publish spoofs of The Secret of the Old Clock (the first Nancy Drew mystery), the WWI classic All Quiet on the Western Front, and Leroy Anderson’s bouncy “Sleigh Ride." Now I can, and it’s all perfectly legal!! 

My only question is—do I tackle the gems separately, or together? One by one would make the most sense. So, of course, I vote for a mashup. What do you think of:

Our Town is (the dance, also the city) Charleston

Betty Boop stars in this touching drama of an unflappable young flapper and her love interest, struggling Hungarian composer Bela Bartok, dreaming of fame and fortune in a small New England town located in coastal South Carolina. Buster Keaton plays the Stage Manager.

No? 

Then how about:

I’m Just Wild about Winston (Subtitle: The Man Who Never Gave In. Never, Never Never)

Thrilling musical biopic about Churchill, directed by Frank Capra. Original score by Ira and George Gershwin includes such tuneful tunes as “Embraceable Statesman” and “I’ve Got a Crush on the British Empire.” Toe-tapping history at its finest.

Or maybe…

The Little Engine that Could Commit Murder in the Vicarage.

The unlikely creative pairing of Watty Piper and Agatha Christie have inspired me to come up with the best children’s book of the year. Tiny tots everywhere will delight as the scrappy little train repeats, over and over and over, “I think I can!” while plotting the demise of unpopular village magistrate Colonel Protheroe. Can the engine do it? You’ll learn the answer tonight at bedtime!

There are, to be sure, still lots of juicy works that aren’t yet fair game. “Achy Breaky Heart,” for example. From Justin to Kelly. The entire Colleen Hoover oeuvre. I’ll need to wait a spell to mock Ben Affleck’s “Gigli” and the earwormy song “Baby Shark” (but seriously, aren’t they both self-parodies anyway?)

However, I take solace from the fact that I can, with impunity, pilfer the entire canons of Shakespeare and Sophocles, movie classics such as The Saphead and Our Modern Maidens, and the 1929 song “Turn On the Heat," with my VERY favorite lyrics “If you are good/my little radiator/it’s understood/you’ll get a gumdrop later.” How clever!

While I chafe at the restrictions on using recent copyrighted works, I’m certainly glad they apply to my own writings. I’d be furious if, say, some lazy imitator played around with my wonderful op-ed for The Independent, “Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson Are Over--Or Are They?” I mean, talk about evergreen stuff! 

Lately, some of my writer friends are discovering that their pieces are being used (without permission) to train A.I. I hurriedly Googled my own essays and guess what? NO one is using anything!!!! 

Hey! What’s the matter with MY work, Chat GPT? Not good enough to pirate?

I’m insulted.