Men Are From Rome, Women Are From...Death Row?

October 18, 2023

Just when I thought that internet revelations couldn’t get any weirder, I learned this tidbit: apparently men think about the Roman Empire. Often. Very often.

Here I was, assuming my beloved hubby was focused mainly on 1) sports 2) booking more children’s shows and 3) the ongoing, vital need to keep the hedges trimmed. How wrong could I be? I would have been much more cued in to Steve’s usual state of mind had I spoken Latin to him: “De gustibus non est disputandum!” (“there’s no accounting for taste!”)

Surely there has to be an equivalency for women! I was positive we gals were obsessed with philosophy and poetry and trenchant analyses of world events. But I did a little sleuthing and here’s what I came up with…

According to an article in Time Magazine, women most often think about:

Fleetwood Mac, specifically a “1997 live performance of ‘Silver Springs’ in which Stevie Nicks sings into Lindsey Buckingham’s soul.”  Of course!! Don’t we all?

The Titanic (the article doesn’t specify if Leo di Caprio is involved)

Pride and Prejudice (both book and Masterpiece Theatre versions)

The Romanovs of Russia and their tragedies (Nicholas and Alexandra! That rascal Rasputin!)

But the Number #1 thing women seem to ponder is…


Yep. Murder.

OK, this makes sense to me. I know how popular true crime podcasts are with my Rose, from “Serial” to “My Favorite Murder.” Women love to delve into the details (as long as they’re not TOO gory), and enjoy the intellectual exercise of studying killers’ minds (Ted Bundy’s in particular). And don’t we have a stash of “cozies” at the ready when we crave a little escapism? (for the uninitiated, “cozies” are murder mysteries, often set in England, where the actual slaying part is largely offstage, while the bucolic setting and charmingly quirky detectives are emphasized.)

But is there something else going on?

I wonder if our keen interest in mayhem might reflect the fact that we are STILL struggling to be seen as men’s equals. When that insufferable, incompetent guy snags the promotion WE DESERVED, or when our husband is wildly applauded by the neighbors for walking one child down the street to mail a letter, whereas we are just expected to handle everything from grocery shopping to dentist visits to running the PTA wrapping paper fundraiser, with five kids hanging on us the whole time (I might have first-hand experience of this), it makes us feel unappreciated. And angry!!! What to do with all this angry???

Well, committing actual murder is not an attractive option for most of us, so we do the next best thing. We think about it! It’s very cathartic, and does a fine job keeping us out of the prison system too.

We’ll never truly understand each other, we men and women, but we can try. I promise to devote a few seconds every day to concentrating on gladiators, if the males I know are willing to start thinking about Ted Bundy.



    I am an author (of five books, numerous plays, poetry and freelance articles,) a retired director (of Spiritual Formation at a Lutheran church,) and a producer (of five kids).

    I write about my hectic, funny, perfectly imperfect life.

    Please visit my website: or email me at



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