Just for today - words to live by

Today a friend told me she was turning off the computer to take a mental health day. People who are not retired might think this sounds silly, but research has shown that depression often increases after retirement.

Sometimes illnesses are the culprit. The idea that my friends might develop serious health issues never occurred to me seven years ago. Now, several friends are grieving the loss of a spouse or dealing with cancer. My anxiety has reached uncomfortable heights. Mild depression can happen to all of us. I failed to see the hole before I fell in it.

Even something like a new knee replacement can upset a household's serenity. My husband underwent successful knee surgery at Beebe Healthcare in late September. We were delighted with the expert care at the hospital. But when we arrived home, we were astonished at the idea of a walker and a cane taking up residence in our living room.

What I have learned in my short seven years of retirement is that we are all vulnerable to depression, especially when we don't take inventory of our own mental health. And too often we don't reach out to ask for the help we need.

I have sought refuge at a Serenity Al-Anon meeting held at St. Jude's Church in Lewes. Because I grew up in an alcoholic family, I need a program that gives me tools to understand how on earth I can feel so anxious and depressed when I think I should be able to control it.

One of the simple tools we employ is this little blue bookmark titled "Just for Today" filled with sayings or reminders of what we can do to help ourselves. Like "Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax ... I will try to get a better perspective of my life." Or "Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires."

The reality is that we want to be in total control of our lives. But we can't change people, fix traffic patterns, or cure cancer.

Inner peace comes when we lose interest in judging ourselves and others. When we practice the ability to enjoy each moment, we can connect with others and nature.

This unseasonable warm fall has afforded us the chance to linger outside more often. So what to do with the one hour gained in daylight saving time? I took a slow stroll with my husband on the Gordons Pond Trail in Cape Henlopen State Park near Rehoboth.

Since we had to walk slowly, we could better note the fall foliage, or catch a blue heron taking flight. We looked at the pine cones resting on a bed of fallen pine needles and knew we were thinking about our dog Rudy. We used to say her fur was the color of fallen pine needles. We must accept loss in this world.

The Al-Anon meetings are based upon the idea that recovery happens when we listen to one another. If you are finding you need a little help with sadness, it's best to reach out to someone. Our community paper lists many support groups and their meeting dates. Young or old, we all can give ourselves a mental health day.