Pets have been displaced by homebound owners

May 3, 2020

No doubt about it, dogs and other pets are not loving this stay-at-home order. Oh, it’s not that their time outside is limited, but the very fact that their owners’ time is now inside all day long, every day, every week, every moment.

It never ends. Dogs used to have the house to themselves once their owners went off to work; it was a breeze. And because their owners were feeling guilty leaving them alone, there always was that farewell snack for being a good boy!

Back then the routine was pretty simple. First they had a power nap that lasted a couple of hours. After that, with a touch of a paw, it was time for “Judge Judy.” Everyone wanted her for an owner; she really told a lot of people off, which animals love. Dogs just knew Judge Judy wouldn’t stand for a cat being in her house, or living next door, either.

Sometimes they watched “Dr. Oz,” what with the arthritis catching up to them and the high blood pressure being out of control; the medical advice was necessary. But that vet they had to go to was a little suspect; he never displayed his diplomas on the wall either. The gossip around the dog park was that he couldn’t cure a paper bag. And not one treat for being a good boy!

Now, even if the owners let their pets have that nap, who can sleep with something called craft time? Whatever that is, it makes a lot of noise. There is the tearing, the ripping, the sewing machine snapping and threading, then the swearing and cursing, not to mention the scissors and the cutting!

Now they can’t just sit anywhere because paper rules. There are things made out of paper, such as miniature people, hats, animals, neckties, and stuff all parked on their favorite lounging space, the couch. One attempt to push them over and the mistress of the house will go into such a rage, the poor pet will be banned from the Christmas card. It doesn’t matter that these creations are hideous and disgusting; those are the new rules.

And now there is something called a zoom. They could be in the middle of a great dream, curled up with their favorite stuffed animal, and someone calls out that Aunt Mabel is on the zoom and there is a stampede, like a herd of geezers with a Bingo number, to the front of the computer screen. This happens at least four or five times a day.

A lot of arguing goes on about how to work this thing; this view goes in and out and upside down, with a lot of insane-looking faces. Eventually they drag poor Fido in front and everyone oohs and awws until he is so nauseated, his stomach creates enough noise to force them to flee the room, fearing a gastrointestinal accident. Of course, no one in America over the age of 12 knows how to turn this zoom thing off.

So, you can see that even the pets are affected by the restrictions. But they are not ones to complain, for they know there will be lots of extra treats, and they can clear a room in a minute. Stay safe.

  • Nancy Katz has a degree in creative writing and is the author of the book, "Notes from the Beach." She has written the column Around Town for the Cape Gazette for twenty years. Her style is satirical and deals with all aspects of living in a resort area on Delmarva.

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