Young athletes move like calicos on catnip

Bob Paulen is a 74-year-old track athlete, and let's face it, he is a skinny guy and I’m not; he can jump hurdles over a 300-meter distance and I can’t, and yet we bond as athletes from different gravitational fields. Let's call our story “The Quick and the Fred.” Bob is reasonable and soft spoken, works out in the heat in the middle of the day because that’s when masters competitions are held, and so I asked him, “Why do any of it?” "I realize the importance of working out for fitness, but I can’t see doing it for its own sake,” Bob said. “I need something to focus on, and the competition does it for me.”

Bogus barometer - There is a series on the Discovery Heath Channel that features a competition between really fit senior citizens and disinterested cliques of burnt-out teenagers sometimes called stoners by their peers who could not care less that they are weaker and slower than a 70-year-old. But it’s all based on a false assumption of buying into the game. I see ripped-and-fit high-speed young athletes jump into 5K races and get torched by runners 30 years older, but it means nothing. Send one of these older runners or biathletes onto a basketball court, soccer or lacrosse field and he or she would get school housed with their shuffling heel-toe running style and inflexible hips and shoulders. Young athletes move like calicos on catnip; it is freakish how good they can be and how little pain they feel during and after games.

Can’t-win syndrome - The Rusty Rudder 5K started in Dewey July 4 with 834 runners, and 831 of them have absolutely no chance of finishing first. Running happens at the same time for the 834 who start, but there are so many races within races. Even the ones who win are relatively slow compared to elite runners who don’t show up without prize money on the table. What I notice at the elite level is that when certain athletes realize they can’t win, they shut it down, whether it’s running, boxing or golf. Tiger Woods was tough when he was clearly so much better, but will he ever get back to battle with all those 20-year-olds who don’t buy his kung fu act at all? The current expression is “to tank,” and in a team sport the tankers can hide like a freighter in the fog. Don’t think for a minute when it’s time to step up that all athletes ratchet up their games, because they don’t.

Girls' lacrosse alumni - The Eastern Shore summer lacrosse U16 team coached by P.J. Kesmodel is hooking up a game versus Viking alumni to be played at 6 p.m., Thursday July 14, at Turf Field Two. All alumni since the inception of the program are invited to play. There will be officials and a clock and all that good stuff. The Eastern Shore team has many returning Cape players with the other half of the roster coming from the Delmarva Peninsula. Contact Coach P.J. at pjk1@comcast.net and let him know you’re coming or contact Fredman and I’ll let everyone know you’re coming.

Snippets - Watch World Cup women’s soccer - not much scoring happens - and if you’re not from the soccer culture and don’t have the pedigree, you’ll need all the not-happening subtle action and high-level strategic planning explained to you by experts. Otherwise, you may conclude that not much ever happens. The Swedish girls danced in celebration after beating the Americans, and that’s nothing compared to the Zumba Brazil will lay down on Sunday if they beat the Americans in the knockout round. The Braves are in Philly for a three-game weekend showdown and will face Halladay, Lee and Hamels. Each game is a two-game swing and like Grandmom Rose said, “There are no win-win situations in sports or negotiations; somebody is losing a little bit of something.” “But what about double overtime scoreless ties in soccer, Grandmom?" “That’s a lose-lose. You can travel at the speed of blue light and never catch up to that time lost and even if you do, all you’ll see is the same thing; the game will always end in zeros.” Home school rocks! Go on now, git!