How about a midnight bike tour through rough neighborhoods?

More Philly fans “down here” than Baltimore or Washington, but the truth is most are fans of Eagles, Ravens or Redskins and not fans of the actual cities which are all good places to get carjacked, regular jacked, unprovoked attacked or just plain shot on purpose for no reason or dropped by an errant bullet - and there are some and one is plenty.

I recently did a reminisce-ride around the ghetto of my Philadelphia childhood and was careful not to polish my rims - no sense attracting attention. The shame is that so many good people are stuck in neighborhoods where thugs abound and the worst violence is random; you at least want the chance to provoke somebody like a Boise State tackle.

Seriously, every time I hear people talking about being fans of cities I just think, “How about a midnight bike tour through the tough neighborhoods wearing your McNabb jersey for protection?”

ONE ANGRY MAN - Angry and athletically talented young people can show up in a contact sport, and in spite of the understanding and professional handling of empathetic coaches some of these “players” just cannot be controlled. The old adage “discipline is not what you do to someone but for someone” just doesn’t work. And it’s sad, like a young person crying for help.

But their anger makes them unsuitable for living inside a body of rules and buying into what all games are about, which is a spirit of cooperation and sportsmanship. And coaches have the best chance of being successful offering a chance to be part of a team and to share in a common effort. But when that fails, the classroom teacher is all but dead in the water. Like Grandmom Rose said, “Help is what it’s all about, but when all best efforts fail, time to just kick them out!”

INTERFERON - If I were the owner of the Phillies, I’d be on Charlie Manuel like Jerry Jones on Wade Phillips. I admire Charlie’s faith in his players, but Brad Lidge and Matt Stairs would never see the top step of the dugout. My grandmother can go 0-30 and so can yours. I’d have traded Stairs to a bar league for 10 kegs and a barrel of pickled eggs. And I can hit batters and walk them and serve up snow cones to slap hitters, plus who’s afraid of a confidence- lacking closer named Brad?

But I’d have pulled Raul Ibanez, a 6-foot-2, 225-pound horse because I don’t trust or believe in slumps. I’m thinking he forgot to fortify his tomato juice. The Phils are limping home and how sad would it be if they were caught by the Marlins, a team that drew fewer than 5,000 fans at a recent home game?

SUM OF MY PARTS - I am a person, body and soul, worth more disassembled. I represent “cash for clunkers classic carcass” with a four-barrel heart and dual exhaust. My latest hip replacement will cost between 35K and 40K - who cares, it’s not like you’re not paying for it along with me. Break me down and my life insurance just can’t keep up with my being retrofitted and I’ve only just begun.

And the great thing about health insurance is all the broken-down jalopies whose cross training involves getting fat while remaining stationary costs the most money requiring the most re-hinging and stapling back together. And these individuals don’t want to see healthcare change because they are getting over like Dick Fosbury at the 1968 Olympics in Mexico where he went over the bar backwards at 7-4. We need fat and flaccid panels, may as well add all things that contaminate the liver panels and brain-altering opiate panels, all concluding that until you fix yourself health insurance won’t pay for anything.

FOCUS ON THE FUTURE - Last spring Cape softball senior Natalie DeWitt was told she would play junior varsity and in my opinion - which isn’t worth much - it was an injustice and insensitive treatment of a great kid who was all about team first. Natalie decided not to endure the high school embarrassment of being a senior junior varsity player so she refused the assignment. Notice I avoided the word “quit,” as you cannot quit something you never accept. Then, on the day of the first game, the head coach quit, just mailing it in as the team was told about it on the bus ride to Milford by an assistant coach. Natalie Dewitt is now a freshman setter for the Misericordia University Cougars volleyball team which is 2-2 on the young season.

“Can you believe I’m a college athlete?” Natalie wrote to me in an email.

I have no trouble believing in Natalie; frankly, the girl trips me out in all ways that are good.

SNIPPETS - An early second- half goal by sophomore Jasmyne Spencer lifted the University of Maryland women’s soccer team to a 1-0 victory at American Wednesday, Sept. 9. With the win the Terps remain undefeated in 2009 with a 6-0 record. Lydia Hastings of Rehoboth is a starting striker for the Terrapins.

The Wesley field hockey team (4-0) trailed Richard Stockton 1-0 deep into the second half before former Cape player Erin Bailey scored off an assist from Abigail Hill, former Lake Forest player, to knot the score. The Wolverines went on to win 3-1. Brooke Bennett, another former Cape player, starts on defense for Wesley.

Irish Eyes in Lewes is scheduled to open sometime in October with all kinds of football-watching specials.

Will Bayko broke open a close 3-2 semifinal game with a three-run blast off the right field scoreboard in the bottom of the sixth to help the Peninsula Phenoms defeat the Carolina Reds. Will, also known as Wilber, hit a game-winning grand slam in the previous game to erase a one-run deficit as the Phenoms defeated the Pro-Swing Pride out of New Jersey 9-6. Coach Mike Dmiterchik was heard uttering, “And you all wondered why I walked him during our Little League games.” Lately “Coach Demo,” a Cape associate principal, can be heard bellowing, “Hey, take that hat off in school.”

A right-in-the-light reevaluation of the Cape baseball program promises to result in the reappointment of Joe Roberts as the head baseball coach.