Timing is Everything

Here’s a chuckle for you:

Me: "Ask me 'what's the secret to comedy?'"

You: "Okay, what's the secret to..."

Me: "TIMING!!!!"

I have to say my timing is pretty good. As an actor, I prided myself on delivering punchlines correctly, also never stepping on someone else’s laugh (the cardinal sin when playing a funny scene). Indeed, I have been told more than once (maybe it was just once, but whatever) that my timing is perfect (aw, shucks!), and therefore I believe it wholeheartedly.

So why am I cursed with so many ill-timed problems?

Mind you, I bring calamity on myself by refusing to “be prepared “(I bombed out of Girl Scouts and never joined the Coast Guard, so I don’t have this pertinent motto to fall back on). I once watched the jaunty red “check engine” notice light up on the dashboard for miles, thinking: What a fine idea! One of these days I’ll do just that! –not realizing that it was a command, not a suggestion. Which is why I ended up stalling out in the middle of an intersection in Maryland, in the rain, when I was already late to drop Julie off at summer camp. I tend to launch into recipes without checking the pantry and fridge, long after Shop n Bag has closed for the night. Ever try making a cheesecake with only a quarter-box of cream cheese? I don’t advise it.

Early this month, I was preparing an essay (on deadline) for a magazine, notes for a speaking gig, and the agenda for our church women’s retreat. So, naturally, I attempted to boot up my laptop, only to see the computer equivalent of “check engine”: a scary, pulsating question mark on the screen. I couldn’t start the Macbook Air that had served me well for years, just when I most needed start-age—and I hadn’t bothered to do a backup of files in weeks.  Timing!!!

I rushed over to Best Buy, and gave my magic machine to their scarily youthful “Geek Squad”, telling them I was in a major hurry. Well, “major hurry” and “Best Buy” aren’t exactly compatible—three days later I had to drive back to the store, where a 12 year old Geek shook her head sadly and said, “Your operating system is gone! It can’t be found anywhere on the computer!” Did you know such a thing is possible? Neither did I, but it is: My OS had vanished, taking with it every file I hadn’t saved recently (meaning: every file I needed for the tasks facing me). After replacing the laptop (which made more sense than a $900 repair that wasn’t guaranteed to work), I then had to transfer all the stuff from my external hard drive to my new computer. As of this writing, I’m still not sure I got everything moved over correctly. 

There you have it!  MY timing is perfect (as you have told me), it’s the WORLD’S timing that is a mess!

Step it up, world!