‘Minions’ is attempt to play for moms and dads

Poison ivy, the doctor said, should not be scratched, as it will certainly spread.

But, as we all know despite the little blisters bubbling under our skin, we cannot help ourselves and find we’re clawing away at it because … well, because it just feels good at the time.

Those little blisters have taken on animated shape in the form of Minions, and despite the clear warnings in “Despicable Me 2” that more Minions might not be the best answer, we continued to scratch … and the result is now their own feature where we are given an origin story of how they came to be … sort of.

“Despicable Me” was just fine on its own - its story was wrapped tidily at its conclusion and it had thoroughly enjoyable characters.

Then, the rash began to appear with “Despicable Me 2” in 2013, which essentially gave us a misguided mess that rubbed much of the luster off the original. It still made a sizable sum, so despite the release of a few animated shorts that are perfectly fit for the Minions’ frantic antics, we now have a full-length feature on their origin story.

While it serves as a fine intro to the slapstick genre for those in the single-digit ages, the awkward setting of “Minions” is its attempt to play for the moms and dads, having the film set in the swinging ‘60s. And, most importantly, it’s a story that does not need to be told. Minions don’t need motivation or drive.

They just are. That is part of their charm.

Now we see them crawl through the primordial ooze, like in the intro to the film, and adults must fill in the humorless gaps (and there are more than a few) with questions such as: Where are the female minions? Why have they not evolved? They understand English, but why can’t they speak it (except for stray words such as “banana”)? And with that said, how do they have their own language to the tune of “The Monkees” theme song?

We are told through voiceover that they gravitate to serve the worst villains in history, starting with T. Rex (who, honestly, is as much of a villain as a lion, evolutionarily speaking), then leap-frogging epochs until the UK in the 1960s (guess it would not be quite a kid-friendly flick if the Minions decided to serve such real-life villains as Stalin, Pol Pot, or Idi Amin).

The three lead Minions - Kevin, Bob, and Stuart - decide that Scarlet Overkill (voiced by Sandra Bullock) is the perfect leader for them, despite her rather bland plan to take over the British monarchy (which was fairly obsolete in 1968, and her motivation is so that she could live large and wear pretty clothes).

Also, the film turns Minions into the heroes, which they have most definitely proven they are not, and that was also their appeal - their undying devotion to evil and their inability to perform an evil task without creating catastrophe. Ironically, the film that marks their debut as leads has them in roles that go against their very nature.

And on the heels of Pixar’s rich, textured “Inside Out,” in which rather complex natural behaviors are presented in such a clean, concise manner, it’s hard to find enough to recommend here for all but the youngest of movie goers.

Be warned. If you flock to this and feed that itch, we are bound for even more, and you will get the spreading box-office rash you deserve.