January 23, 2024

I’ll start with a confession: I'm the person for whom the clickbait title writer writes; the stranger the headline, the more compelled I am to check it out. Combine that with my ongoing search for blog material, and you get posts like today’s gem. Weirdest jobs I won’t believe are real? Yes, please!! As I perused the list, I kept asking myself—how much money would it take for me to agree to DO these jobs? Does Elise have her price? Read on…

HAIR BOILER: Curly wigs are made by…boiling the hair! Who knew? Since I have experience trying, as a sixth grader, to straighten my naturally curly locks with the clothes iron, I’d be game to boil hair (as long as it’s not on my head). I do recall the stench of my frizzled mane, though, and wonder how boiled hair smells. For $11/hour, I think I’ll pass.

TRAIN PUSHER: This job requires someone willing and able to push as many people as possible onto a crowded train before the doors close. I may not have the upper-body strength for this, plus I’m not ready to move to Japan (where most of the “oshiya”-- train pushers--push.) Earning potential listed as “variable” (I guess you’d get a bonus if no pushee loses a limb). Arigatō, but no.

PET FOOD TASTER: This appetizing pursuit requires actually sampling the food Mittens' owner will be buying. The way I see it, it can’t taste worse than my Nana’s cooking (she of the charred-beyond-recognition roast “meat”). For the right price, I’d probably chow down on some puppy chow. Alas, the salary is quoted as only $45K—not enough moolah, Purina!

BICYCLE FISHER: It’s a real thing in the Netherlands, where a number of the 800,000 Dutch bikes end up in one of Amsterdam’s 165 canals. Filling a definite need, and a nice opportunity to get some fresh air and exercise. However, I neither ride a bike nor swim. Too bad, as this one also has “variable” pay (perhaps based on the value of the cycle: you’d get more retrieving a new Audi Sport Racer, say, than a rusted, dented old Schwinn). 

SNAKE MILKER: No, reptiles don’t produce milk (if they did, I’m sure the upscale cafes would be pouring it into their specialty Cobra Lattes). Snake milkers collect snake venom, so that antidotes can be developed. Salary here up to $5K/month, which sounds decent until you factor in the potential fatality. Alas, not for me!

FORTUNE COOKIE WRITER: Ah!!! Now we’re in business!! I would LOVE this job!!! I have endless ideas for the fortunes already—though it pays an average of $60K annually, I honestly would do this one for free. “You will make it BIG in the movies. Better cut back on buttered popcorn.”  “Move in the direction of your dreams. Turn off TV and go to bed.” 


My careers go in 20 year cycles (20 as actor, 20 as church worker, etc), so I predict a “weird” 2042-2062 for me! 


    I am an author (of five books, numerous plays, poetry and freelance articles,) a retired director (of Spiritual Formation at a Lutheran church,) and a producer (of five kids).

    I write about my hectic, funny, perfectly imperfect life.

    Please visit my website: or email me at



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